Archive for January, 2009



My husband. My best friend. My lover. My fighter. My everything.

Yesterday Douglas got a phone call from the recruiters. He’s officially in.

For those that don’t know the story quite yet here we go;
Doug was working for 84Lumber, going on his 3rd year. On October 20th 2008 Doug went to work early (as he did every morning since as co-manager he had to open the gate for everyone else), this morning someone from corporate was there waiting for him. Doug knew what was going on. This was his 3rd store closing. The man asked Doug if he knew why the man was there and Doug just handed him his keys.

On a side note…this was our 2nd wedding anniversary. Not the best way to celebrate. =/

So anywho, Doug and his co-workers still had to work for the rest of the week cleaning up the store and shipping all the inventory to Grand Rapids.
They offered Doug another job. It was a demotion to MT (manager trainee) and a huge cut in pay, plus they wouldn’t pay for our moving expenses or help us find a place to live. Douglas told them he needed to talk to his wife about it first before making any decisions. They told him to call by Tuesday (this was Friday).
Well Tuesday rolled around. Douglas called them to talk more details about the job, and they had already filled the position with a brand new hire…they are shutting down stores left and right, laying off workers just to go and hire a brand new worker!? Ugh I was ticked.

So Doug has been unemployed for 4 months now.I love having him home, but we do need the income.

Doug had been trying to get into the National Guard before 84Lumber closed down. That would have been PERFECT. He could do his training in Whitehall (about 30mins from  here), still work at 84 and we could still live in Fremont. Win win situation.

But, National Guard wouldn’t take him because of some medical issues.
So Doug tried going full force Army.

It took us 3 months to hear back from them && get everything situated. But Doug is in.

Thursday (the 5th) we go down to the recruiters and pick out a job. Then I get to leave with Tobin and Douglas gets to go down to Lansing and swear in and sign his life away, or so to speak.

I’m beyond nervous, anxious and every other emotion you can think of. But, I want to be that supportive wife && be there for my husband as he works hard to provide for us.

I do love him with all my heart.
I just want him to myself. I’m selfish like that.


I’m not sure what I’m feeling….numb currently


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Love Never Fails

Havn’t updated this page in a few days. Not sure where exactly this is going to go. I don’t think I really have any Scripture that has been speaking to me lately.

I did go out and buy the movie Fireproof, havn’t watched it yet. I’m waiting for Tobin to go to bed tonight so we can watch the movie without distractions.

Onthe subject of marriage, I am so happy where mine has come this past year.

This time last year Doug && I were really going through a very difficult period in our marriage. Fighting all the time, not trusting each other and not happy.

We have both brought God into our lives again && it is AMAZING how much that helps.

We have been going to a study on the book “Song of Soloman” in the bible. The class is every sunday at church && I really love it!
God really did write the perfect guide to the perfect relationship.
He wants us to be happy.

I’ve noticed a SIGNIFICANT diffrenec in our marriage since I’ve been praying for Douglas, me and our marriage.  Before I was doing everything that I thought would help….when in reality only God knows what we need.

He has shown us the way.

Two and a half years of marriage && I’ve learned to not only love my husband but RESPECT him.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

** 1 Corinthians 13 v4-8

I love that last part

Love never fails

I trust in the Lord God with  my marriage and I thank  him daily for the love that he has givin Douglas && I.

I pray for my friends, those who don’t have love for God for he is the most amazing personification of love there is. That verse is the epitomy of God’s love for us. His love is flawless there is absolutely nothing that could soil his love for us.

He loves us more then we could ever love another human being.

It makes you think dosn’t it?

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I havn’t felt this lonely in  a long long time.

Douglas is gone away to Lansing for some Army stuff, getting measured and all that fun hoohah.

I had to work tonight and thankfully I have amazing friends like Angela who was willing to watch Tobin even though she knew it was going to be a super late night. I didn’t end up getting out of work until 11pm.

Tips were great tonight and so was just about everything at work. I stayed busy and even had a few laughs. =]

I picked Tobin up and thankfullyhe was great for Angela even though he has a double ear infection. Poor little man. He had a blast playing with the girls. Apparantly he can’t get enough of Anyssa’s hair. (I don’t blame him. Gotta love those blonde curls)

We made it home safe && sound. Tobin fell right to sleep, but now I can’t.

I don’t like this feeling of coming home to an empty house.
Not seeing my husband the second I walk in.
Not seeing his smile and a hug from him.

I’m already crying && this isn’t even the beginning of the road.

I’ll have to pray for peace…and hugs from God.

I could really use a God hug right now.

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Tobin has a hearing assessment on the 29th. Back on Halloween he had a horrible ear infection. I felt so bad because I had no idea. That morning he kept waking up and refused to go back to bed, being inconsolable and just was wore out. I made an appointment with his doctor and thankfully we got in that day (we lost our insurance the next day)

So that was over three months ago. Well, at Tobin’s last doctor’s appointment they checked his ears for fluid, Tobin would not let them TOUCH his ears. Same thing when he had the infection. So they tried a test that detected the sound waves in his ear an how they traveled. His left ear failed the test. They say that means he can’t hear out of his left ear. Which could very well be the cause of his delayed speech.
I am pretty sure that his ears are bothering him again because tonight he was just so unbelievably fussy and I could not figure out what was the matter. He couldn’t even stop crying. I had to rock him to sleep. I prayed over him and sang praise && worship songs till he stopped his little sob sighs and fell asleep.

I’m trying very hard not to worry and to give my fears and concerns up to God. (as stated in my last blog)

But as a mother I hate seeing my son in pain, I HATE seeing him hurting and not being able to do anything about it. Then I think about how God must have felt giving up His only son so that we could be saved. He had to watch His son die on a cross. Not the funnest way to go, just for US, for ME.

God is a wayyyy stronger parent then I will ever be.

I’ve been going thru some bible verses and I’m going to type them out. They have to deal with healing.

Jeremiah 33:6

6 ” ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.


Acts 3:16

16By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.

I just hope that who ever reads this will pray as well for my son.

I know I will be.

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Philippians 4:6-7

This verse has brought a whole new meaning to me

Philippians 4:6-7

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I need to quit worrying about things that I have no control over. I am a worrier. It is quite ridiculous. There are more important things to be doing besides worrying whats going to happen next.

I should be ENJOYING my life. I have many things to be thankful for; my husband, my son, my friends, our great health, we have enough money in our bank account to keep us clothed, sheltered && caught up on bills. God has provided for us in this time of economic strife. For crying out loud Doug has no job! I’m working for $2.25 an hour plus tips (which suck lately because no one can afford to eat out anymore). Yet, our bank account has not hit the negatives since Doug lost his job, there has always been more then enough in there. When Doug was working we were barely making ends meat.

That is definitely God working right there. I need to have more Faith in him. Not just in the words I say but also the way I think, the way I act and the way I PRAY to him. I may say that I have full faith in God, but do I really? If I did then Iwouldn’t worry as much as I do. Iwould give my worries and fears up in him and have FAITH that he will take care of me.

A few weeks ago I had a dream. WhenI woke up the only thing I could think about what Hebrews Chapter 5. Mind you, I don’t really know my bible verses, I really have never gotten into the word (as I have stated in my first blog). So when this verse popped in my head I figured it wouldn’t do any harm to read it.

I opened up my bible and here is what Hebrews 5 verse 11 said;

11We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

The result of this was very clear to me.

I am an infant in my faith when I should be teaching others. I have been a believer my whole life, some years my faith being stronger then others, but alawys have believed. Yet, I still don’t know ANYTHING about the bible or really about God in general. I know the basics. I depend on others to teach me when I am not even remembering it week to week. It’s quite riddiculous.

So my goal now is to learn and soak up every bit of information I can. God has shown me very strongly what he wants me to do. He is tired of watching me be a child in faith. He wants me to walk strongly and boldy.

This is my goal, my pledge. Please pray for me && hold me accountable to what I say and do.

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Compaines that make pregnancy tests have got to be making a fortune off of me. This is my 5th test this week.

I probably should listen to the results. They obviously arn’t going to change.

That is a whole other issue I’vebeen dealing with. I’m trying very hard to get pregnant,and while it has been fun attempting maybe this isn’t the right time for me. I do have quite a load on my plate at the moment and maybe God just dosn’t want me having more then I can chew.

Gosh Doug just walked into the house with two more grocerie bags. Our neighbor is such a sweet guy. Yesterday he gave us two whole chickens (which are going in the crock pot tomorrow) and then today gave us another two bags full of other odds && end groceries. He said that he knows what its like not to have a whole lot of money coming in.

God really does provide.

It’s quite neat how His timing is so perfect. =]

Also just a random tidbit, I LOVE those freecreditreport.com commercials.

They make me giggle.

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I’m not really the type of person who blogs.

I just figured maybe blogging could be my thing when Doug leaves for boot camp. I really have no idea what else I would be able to concentrate on besides Tobin and work.

So it is the start of a New Year. I’ve never been the type to make resolutions but this year I feel like I need yet another change in my life.

I need to get into the Word more. I have a great bible. I just never really read it unless it’s for a bible study or when I’m at church and I’m trying to follow along with Pastor Rodger. I’ve felt this little nudge inside me for weeks telling me random bible verses that actually make sense when I read them. Is it God? I never really thought that He talked to people anymore. Thought that was more of an Old Testament type of thing. Notihng else makes sense though.

I also need to come out of my shell more. I am worried that when Doug does leave for basic training that I’m going to curl into a ball and only do the basic necessitys of my life, taking care ofmy son. I don’twant to be that person anymore. I’m tired of hiding and being upset whenever the slighteset thing dosn’t go  my way. I need to learn how to be self-sufficient.  Doug takes such great care of me I’ve become spoiled. He does all the work around here. I rarely have to lift a finger.

Hell, Doug may not even be going. It’s not even 100% sure yet. Though it is looking pretty definite.

As I said before I’m not much of a  blogger so I can’t even be sure if this is what a typical blog looks like. I just know that I’m going to need to vent my frustrations out like mad in the next few weeks.

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